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Sleep disturbance or insomnia is not uncommon in women starting at midlife. While this may be due to a physical concern, usually it’s not. Let’s discuss some things you can do NOW to improve your sleep.

•Good sleep is a component of good health. Things that you do for good health are essential and will directly impact your quality of sleep. This means eating a healthy diet, regular exercise and good daily multivitamin/mineral supplements.

•A healthy diet that is high in phytoestrogens such as fruits and vegetables may help if the cause of your sleep disturbance happens to be related to being perimenopausal. Apples, carrots, cherries, green beans, oats, peas, potatoes, soybeans and sprouts – just to mention a few!

•Avoid stimulating agents such as nicotine and caffeine – that includes coffee, tea, soft drinks, and chocolate. Even one cup of coffee in the morning can affect sleep quality hours later. We, as women, tend to metabolize caffeine much slower than men. If you smoke or chew tobacco…quit. Short of that, avoid smoking/chewing within a few hours of going to bed.

•Sleep in a dark room. (How bright is your illuminated clock?)

•Develop a sleep routine: going to bed at the same time; rituals such as having a cup of relaxing tea and then washing up, and the like.

•Avoid taking naps.

•Is your sleeping space comfortable? Look at light, noise and temperature. How about your bed? Is it too firm or too soft?

•Avoid late night heavy meals. However, a light snack at bedtime may be helpful.

•Try relaxation – mediate, take a bath, listen to soft music, read a gentle book, get a massage.

•Avoid the news and other violent or emotional stimulation before bed! It’s hardly relaxing!

•Avoid alcohol late in the day. It can cause waking in the night and impairs sleep quality.

•Limit your bed activities to sleep and sex.

•If you cannot sleep – get up and do something until you can sleep.

•If worries are keeping you awake, try journaling – it may provide a way for you to “release” the worry onto paper and thus relax and sleep.

There are natural supplements that can be tried. If you are a milk drinker, consider having a glass of warm milk. Milk when it is warm releases tryptophan, the same substance that was in that Thanksgiving turkey that had you napping. On the other hand, I recently read that warm milk also has substances that can keep you awake. Let your own body tell you what it likes about milk.

Other suggestions include valerian root, melatonin, passion flower and of course the chamomile, catnip, anise or fennel teas. Some companies package teas in their own formulations for sleep, such as “Sleepy Time”. Your local herbalist or health food store may also be able to give you suggestions. As with anything else, the key to try different things and see what you respond to.

If none of these suggestions work, I would recommend the following. First of all, see your see your health care provider to ensure there is nothing physical that needs to be attended to. Keep a sleep diary for 3 months with the goal to see if there is some sort of pattern. Keep track of the time you go to bed, awaken, how often you are awake and/or up at night. Are you tired when you awaken in the morning? What time are you getting up? Is there something that is on your mind? Does any of this correlate with your cycles (if you still have them)?
Use of sleeping medication is something that can sometimes be used to get your body back on track, but it’s not for long term use, and should only be used when other remedies have been ineffective.

Peaceful dreams!

For over 26 years, Barbara C. Phillips, MN, NP has been involved in health care. Now, as the founder of OlderWiserWomen, LLC, that experience and passion is focused on Women who want to experience the freedom, magic and wisdom of successful aging. She can be reached through http://www.OlderWiserWomen.com

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Humor has long been considered one of the most effective tools to judge the quality of any relationship. If there is laughter present you can assume that the relationship is a healthy one. When the laughter ceases you can be quite certain that the relationship is on the down slide. This laughter barometer can be applied to any relationship at home, at work and at play. Laughter means that you’re having fun and fun means that things are going well.. Take a look at the relationships around you. Do the couples laugh a lot together? Has the laughter stopped in some of your relationships?

Here are a few ideas you can use to make certain that laughter remains an ever present reality in your relationships thus ensuring their quality and endurance. Remember introducing humor to previously humorless relationships might take time but the results will be worth the effort. Start slowly by working on your own fun loving, cheery disposition. Laughter and humor are contagious so it won’t be long before others catch the bug.

* Remember that a sense of humor is learned, not inherited.

* Commit to becoming a humor hound. Look for humor everywhere. When something strikes you funny enjoy it. Let the laughter flow. After the funny event has passed recall it and enjoy it and laugh again.

* Begin to cultivate an atmosphere of humor and laughter in your relationships. Try to enjoy and share humor as often as you can.

* If you don ‘t laugh as much as you used to and want to correct the situation start associating with humorous, fun loving people and avoid the downers.

* Learn to laugh at yourself. If you don’t, you leave the job to others.

* Look for funny items in your newspaper and cut them out and share them. I recall reading the want ads one night and discovered this gem : ” The successful applicant should have 203 years experience.” Obviously the writer meant to say 2 or 3 years experience. I immediately cut it out and placed it in my collection for future use.

* Encourage others to share their humor. Listen and appreciate it when they do. When someone sees that you have enjoyed their humorous contribution they will be eager to continue sharing.

* In my full day humor workshops I always ask the participants to break up into groups and begin sharing the funniest thing that has ever happened to them. The laughter that this simple activity generates is a joy to behold. Try this will your friends sometime.

* Collect cartoons and jokes and put them on display on the fridge or the bulletin board. Make sure to avoid racist, sexist or filthy humor. The is plenty of good clean humor to go around without resorting to these. Remember that there is a difference between dirty and earthy humor. I personally like earthy humor. I don’t appreciate dirty material.

* Watch comedy movies and television programs as often a possible.

* Use humor to neutralize conflict in your relationships. When things get tense use self deprecating humor to lighten things up. I remember one evening having an argument with my wife, Carol. In the heat of the moment she said something totally out of character. She said something hurtful. In my surprise I looked at her and said, ” Carol, when you say things like that you stoop to my level.” She started to laugh and so did I. It wasn’t long before things were back to normal.

Good luck on your journey to HA HA Land.

Mike Moore is an international speaker/ writer/ cartoonist on Humor and Stress Management and Humor in the Workplace. Visit him at http://www.motivationalplus.com
http://www.motivationalplus.com/cartoons.html

Mike Moore is an international speaker on Humor and Stress Management, Humor in the Workplace, and Humor and Relationships. His articles and cartoons have appeared in publications throughout Canada and the USA.

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As a child did you ever play the game “O’Grady Says”?

It’s popular with young children in England. The leader of the game gives instructions.

“O’Grady says touch your nose” – Everyone has to touch their nose.
“Touch your nose” – instructions are to be ignored.
If O’Grady is not “saying it” you don’t have to follow the instruction.

Instructions are given rapidly by the leader of the group. Anyone following instructions not given by “O’Grady” leaves the group until the last remaining person who wins the game.

Children love the game, but try playing it at a party with adults. Adults despite attempting to act logically and rationalize the instructions invariably do not survive in the game as long as children.

It seems that despite describing our selves as free thinking and independent we are accustomed, as result perhaps of watching television and being exposed to various types of marketing to accepting instructions and orders provided they are given in a consistent manner and tone.

Derren Brown, the famous “mind reader and hypnotist” actually demonstrates the phenomena on one of his programs telling a group of people to touch there nose, eyes and shoulder. As he says “shoulder” he touches his elbow and everyone follows suit!

When he pointed out that they were touching their elbows and not their shoulders none of the group could explain why they had done so!

This is a classic example of miss direction a technique often used in hypnosis. The brain reacts not only to audible signals but also to visual leads. A skilled hypnotist when hypnotizing a subject will slow his speak patterns, lower his voice…physically relax and reduce his breathing rate. The subject, in a relaxed state, subconsciously not wishing to conflict with his surroundings and other near him will follow suit, relaxing and slipping into the hypnotic state.

Robert Lee is the webmaster and owner of http://www.2minutes2.com where he writes and offers information and advice on the everyday use of Hypnosis, NLP and Speed Learning.

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Have you sat back to analyze and take a real hard honest look at your marketing strategy lately? Have you considered why you are better than your competition? How are you better? Have you always been better? Is your competition better? Are you better at bundling your products or services? Are you better at selling and marketing? Has your competition failed and you are merely taking advantage of the situation? What makes your marketing strategies better? Why do customers choose you over your competition? Is it price, quality, perception, terms or all of these things? Is it none of those things? Are you in a unique situation to your industry and therefore solve a gap in your market niche? Your company’s sales depend on it.

You need to know what you are good at and why and it makes sense to get out a legal pad right now with a red or blue pen. Make a giant “T” on the page. At the top write; Marketing Strategies; and underneath that write; Why are you better than your competition? Next under each horizontal line of the “T” write either Better than our competition or Worse than our competition. Now put another line under that and start your list and take stock of your strengths and any weaknesses you might have. BTW- weakness is for losers so that list better be short; real short or you have whole lot of work to do my friend. Consider all this in 2006.

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Do you lose sleep over the person your daughter is dating? Is your business partner honest? Would it be the right thing to look out for yourself by checking on your renter or employee? If your answer is yes to any of the questions above, it may be the proper moment to make sure your concerns are unneeded by getting a criminal check.

If you want to analyze a person’s history, you don’t have to employ detectives and wait a long time for feedback. All you have to do these days is to get on your PC, access your web browser and find an on-line federal background check service.

When you do an online search, you will discover quite a bit of data – to include the person’s address, where they were employed, if they were married, even whether they have a criminal record. You’ll be struck with how much data can be seen. Evidently these businesses will charge for their services, nonetheless it isn’t overpriced.

All the records noted can be accessed from many another administration agencies but getting them all together in a user friendly format is decidedly a bother. Fortunately, there are on-line databases that supply one-stop service so that you obtain instant feedback on the subject. If you are looking for instant results, it is a good idea to do a national background check.

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So, how can you succeed online without ever experiencing the feeling of failure?

Is that possible?

Let’s find out…

What are you currently working on? What are you trying to accomplish with your online business right now? Do you have a goal that you’re trying to accomplish?

Let’s look at the two possibilities.

When you accomplish your goal, what has really happened?

You’ve set your goal and you’ve successfully accomplished it. You feel good about yourself. Your self-esteem is higher. You’re off to the next project.

The formula looks like this:

Set Goal + Accomplishment = Success

But!

When you fail to accomplish your goal, what has really happened?

You’ve set your goal, but you’ve failed to accomplish it. You don’t feel good about yourself. You start to have negative thoughts about yourself. Your self-esteem is lower.

The formula looks like this:

Set Goal – Accomplishment = Failure

How can we fix this so you never experience the feeling of failure?

Let’s explore the possibilities.

Even though you didn’t accomplish your goal, did you learn anything from it? What do you think was the biggest reason why you didn’t accomplish it? What was the problem that stopped you?

Whatever it was, it was something that you would have not learned otherwise. Don’t you agree?

Hence, the formula now becomes:

Set Goal – Accomplishment = Failure + Lesson Learned

Now that you’ve discovered the reason that caused you to fail, dig up some resources and gather some intelligence that would help you find the solution or solutions for the problem that stopped you from accomplishing your goal.

Armed with this solution or solutions for the problem, you now enjoy a double chance of accomplishing your goal.

Go at it again and DO NOT REPEAT the same mistake.

Let’s just say that you have failed to accomplish your goal again.

What do you think was the biggest reason why you didn’t accomplish it again? What did you learn from this second failure? Was it another problem that stopped you?

Whatever it was, it was something that you would have not learned otherwise.

The formula now looks like this:

Set Goal – Accomplishment = Failure + 2 Lessons Learned

Again, look for more resources and gather more intelligence that would help you find the solution or solutions for this new problem that stopped you from accomplishing your goal. And then go at it again but DO NOT REPEAT the previous two mistakes.

Let’s just say that you have failed for the 3rd time.

The formula looks like this:

Set Goal – Accomplishment = Failure + 3 Lessons Learned

Now, the number of lessons learned doesn’t really matter. Does it?

As long as you’re not repeating the same mistakes over and over, you’re always gaining a different experience. So let’s eliminate the number from the formula. The expression “Lessons Learned” is already in plural form so the number in front of it is not really needed.

So the formula now looks like this:

Set Goal – Accomplishment = Failure + Lessons Learned

OK!

Now.

Are you seeing what I’m seeing? Have you really failed?

You haven’t accomplished your goal yet but you’ve accomplished something else that you would have not accomplished otherwise. What have you accomplished?

You’ve gained a first hand experience. A very valuable experience. Yes, you haven’t accomplished your goal yet, but you’ve learned a very valuable lesson or lessons that you would have not learned otherwise.

You know, you can learn from your good experience and teach others what to do, but you can also learn from your bad experience and teach others what not to do.

Have you ever seen books titled: “The 10 deadliest mistakes in ……” or “The 5 things you must not do ….” or “Six Marketing Mistakes” and such?

As long as you’re not repeating the same mistakes over and over, you’re accomplishing a tremendous wealth of badly needed wisdom gained from a first hand experience that you need for a continuous success.

So the formula actually looks like this:

Set Goal – Accomplishment = Lessons Learned

You WILL accomplish your goal through a constant persistence. But don’t forget your lessons learned from each failure. Each lesson learned is an accomplishment of its own. It’s your checkpoint.

You’ve gained an understanding from your first hand experience that you were going a wrong way. You need to take different roads. If you continue on the same road (making the same mistake over and over), you might never arrive to your goal.

But when you constantly fine tune yourself after each failed attempt, constantly seek a solution for every problem and apply that solution in your next attempt, you would eventually accomplish your goal.

Each failed attempt is a baby step, an accomplishment and a step closer to your day that you would start walking.

© Steve Dimeck, webmaster and author.
His recently published ebook “The Success Maze” provides an “Apt solution” (in the words of Neil Shearing) for people who want to succeed online but feel a bit lost in the online “Maze.”
Free details at: http://www.thesuccessmaze.com

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Every day, across the world’s market economies, an epic battle is being waged, but not to earn business.

It’s an ego war between a company’s best salesperson and his manager.

But let’s change scenes, to put this into perspective.

You walk into a martial arts dojo, where the founder, now in his mature years, has made a rare cross-country appearance. The occasion is a test in which senior ranks will be promoted, including several brown belts, and one black belt.

This is the only black belt to be elevated during the last two years, and the dojo, in thirty-five years has only forged 20 members of this high rank.

So, at a crucial stage in the proceedings, the founder makes a speech, and he says in so many words, “I know most of you are wondering whether I’m any good at this art, so I propose a demonstration.”

He selects a brown belt and does two quick sequences of kicks and hand strikes on him, a very fluid and graceful display, belying the founder’s years. Then, he has his cohort walk across the room, turn away, close his eyes, and the founder sends an invisible force wave with his hand that visibly sways the body of the recipient.

Oohs and aahs course through the crowd. This display of mastery and seniority is impressive, certainly quelling any concerns that the founder can’t cut it, anymore.

The purpose of this demonstration is to perpetuate the founder’s hold over the dojo, to say, don’t bother challenging me. Pay attention to your own progress and work hard on the level at which you currently find yourself.

Let’s return to the sales scenario. The top salesperson disrespects the manager. He says to his peers, “They probably kicked him upstairs. If he was any good, he’d still be selling, where the money is!”

The manager can feel the growing disdain among his troops, and though he hasn’t found a smoking gun, he senses that his best seller is an assassin-in-waiting.

What should he do? Should he put on a master’s demonstration, like that which was done in the dojo?

In the next article in this series, we’ll explore the options, highlighting the pluses and minuses of each one.

Dr. Gary S. Goodman, President of Customersatisfaction.com, is a popular keynote speaker, management consultant, and seminar leader and the best-selling author of 12 books, including Reach Out & Sell Someone® and Monitoring, Measuring & Managing Customer Service. He is a frequent guest on radio and television, worldwide. A Ph.D. from USC’s Annenberg School, Gary offers programs through UCLA Extension and numerous universities, trade associations, and other organizations in the United States and abroad. He is headquartered in Glendale, California, and he can be reached at (818) 243-7338 or at: gary@customersatisfaction.com.

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To be clear about what success is must be the first step to achieving success.

So far, the best definition I have come across is: “Success is the completion of anything intended.” In other words success is finishing what you planned to do.

Even robbing a bank is a kind of success if that is what you wished to do. However, you probably did not intend to end up in prison!

The above definition of success shines a light on failure and success. Make a plan and follow it and you will have succeeded. Make a plan and do not follow it and you will have failed.

This gives a yard stick for judging every day of our lives. We can say at the end of the day “I have failed” or “I have succeeded.”

This may seem very obvious but it is amazing that only about 85% of the human race end up doing what they intended.

I asked several people what they thought success was. One person said that “Success is making loads of money.” Another said that success is “Achieving your goals”. Some one else said that success is “Fulfilling your potential”. An interesting answer was that success is “Making others jealous”.

Brian Tracy agrees with the connection between success and goals. He has said “Success is goals, and all else is commentary.” Tracy believes that people with clear, written goals, accomplish far more in a shorter period of time than people without them.

Stuart Goldsmith in “The Midas Method” has an important section on how to set goals so that they are achieved using the full power of the subconscious mind.

Maria Nemeth gives this definition of success: “Doing what you said you would do, with ease”.

“Doing what you said you would do” is currently not achieved by the majority of the human race especially politicians! Doing it with ease is achieved by even fewer and requires making the most of the subconscious mind.

Jim Rohn argues that success is just a few simple disciplines practised daily.

The power of daily discipline is HUGE. Because the discipline is practised daily the effect is cumulative. The good practice is carried out 365 times a year with, perhaps, a few lapses.

It cannot fail to have tremendous influence. Once the discipline becomes a daily habit, it can be forgotten about until the rewards start coming in.

The writer who writes every day has written well over 300 pages by the end of the year. If he or she does not write every day they lose momentum and inspiration. If they keep up the writing (even just a few words a day) a magnet for relevant thoughts develops.

Recently a Liverpool student of American media studies applied for 600 jobs and received only one interview which he failed. He decided to write a novel. He determined to complete ten pages a day. He worked in the evenings at a dead end job to make money and then wrote until about 5 in the morning at his novel which has now become famous. It also looks like becoming a Hollywood blockbuster film.

He points out that if you write only one page a day for 100 days you can write a screen play. He wrote his novel by studying the structure of two other novels and noticing how they were structured and wrote his screenplay after studying video of films and noticing how long each scene lasted before there was a change.

I can’t remember his name or the name of his book as I just happened to hear part of his interview on television.

The practice of daily disciplines alone can change our lives totally. Another benefit of daily disciplines is that they quickly create habits and habits create character.

A great quote by Jim Ryun, the American Athlete, is as follows

“Motivation is what gets you started.
Habit is what keeps you going”

Another brilliant quote is:

“Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.”

Albert Einstein

The next quote says more or less the same thing:

“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.” Henry David Thoreau

Many would argue that success is not about making money but about developing oneself into a person who is valuable to others.

However, this quite often will lead to making money because people will pay for value. Any one who is very good at their job can usually command whatever pay they wish.

Adam Hollioake is one of the most successful English county cricket captains. He realised what is important in life when his brother Ben was killed in a car accident in Perth Australia. Adam learned that he should be kind to people and have fun and “that’s what life is about.”

His view of success in cricket is not necessarily winning. He is not afraid to lose a cricket match. He is only concerned that his team put 100% effort into the game. He comments:

“If we do put that effort in we usually win anyway”.

Success then is putting in 100% effort whatever the results. More often than not, however, the results will be excellent.

Michael Angier has a great definition of success.

“Success is the result of steadily taking action on our most important goals. When we consistently focus our energies and our efforts upon what matters most, we can’t help but be successful”.

Angier also admires Ralph Waldo Emerson’s comments on success:

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; this is to have succeeded.”

What are the causes of failure and success?

William James, the great American psychologist, puts failure down to lack of faith in one self

“There is but one cause of human failure. And that is man’s lack of faith in his true self.”

Faith in one self is a huge part of success. Stuart Goldsmith in “The Midas Method” talks about two kinds of belief that are necessary for success. You must believe that you deserve to succeed and you must believe that you have the ability to succeed.

Another big cause of success is discipline.

“The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success.” Brian Tracy

Another cause is the willingness to try to succeed even if the possiblity of success is remote.

“Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see the beauty, believe in them and try to follow where they lead.”

Louisa May Alcott (1832-1888) American Writer

My computer guru, Danny believes that you should hold on to your dream in all circumstances and never let go. Grab hold of your vision with an iron fist and even if you are down on your luck and in the gutter never give up.

Danny himself has held on to a dream for 22 years. His dream is to develop the best languages translator in the world.

It does not matter if you are 72 – grab hold of your dream. Actually visualize your hand holding on to that dream. Too many people are worn down by life and give up their dreams.

Every dream is personal but the principle is the same. You are an idiot if you let go. You have to have a reason for living. Set yourself a goal and never let go until you die.

There is nothing you can’t do. If you can’t swim 10 lengths without a rest, train for a few months and you will be able to swim 50 lengths.

Danny’s comments about swimming reminded me about how little is taught at school about how training can improve your abilities.

At my school in the Isle of Man, there was an annual half mile swim in the sea. I knew I would drown if I attempted this but no one ever suggested that I start training hard so that I would be capable of completing the swim.

I was just classified as someone who could not do the swim. It did not occur to me that through determined training I would be able to do what I could not previously do.

When Danny was young he was a skinny weakling. But one day he decided that this was not a good thing. He filled out and did some weight training and set up his own fitness, strength and flexibility routine.

He performs this every other day. This avoids the boredom of a daily routine. He does 200 situps, 30-50 leg raises and three or four sets of 20-30 bench presses.

He also does 2 sets of 20 or 30 squats with dumbells to develop leg power. The dumbbells avoid the danger of overbalancing with a barbell across your shoulders. There is also little likelihood that you will drop the dumbbells on children or family pets! Dumbells allow for greater control than barbells.

Danny’s advice for success is to do something. If in doubt, read a book. The worst thing you can do is sit on your backside watching TV. If you do, nothing will ever happen. He notes the hypnotic effect of TV on the spectators. Danny seldom ever watches TV.

Danny also is impressed by Arnold Schwarzenegger who has just been elected Governor of California. If Arnold wants something, he does what is necessary to get that thing. If he had to eat 50 mars bars, he would eat them. If he had to stand stark naked on his head in a field for half an hour he would.

This is an example to us all. If you have to put stamps on thousands of envelopes to send out your direct mail sales letters, you just have to do it.

The basic principle is that you have to do what is required. Some things require certain actions to achieve them and you have to do them whether you like doing them or not.

It is no good saying I want to be Governor of California but I don’t want to do any public speaking or travel on the campaign trail or be friendly to thousands of people you don’t like. You have to pick up babies and smile at people you may not like.

If you want to be rich you have to do those things which will make you rich. It’s no good saying “I don’t really want to do it.” Danny gives himself a virtual smack round the head every time he is tempted to give up on his projects.

Some people think they will make money by taking short cuts like suing people or fraud. The world would be a much better place if people just got on with doing what they had to do.

Many successful people stress the importance of action in achieving success.

Michael Masterson of the Ezine “Early to Rise” writes:”Action is the key to success, and failure to act is the reason most people will never achieve the kind of success they dream about”

Another approach to achieving success is to stay cool about it. Just get on with doing what you think is important and what you love to do.

“Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.” Sir David Frost

Elvis Presley gave his cousin Donna some advice to help her achieve her goals for the future. It seems good advice to me:

Donna’s best memory of Elvis was when she was 18 and she spoke to him one on one. He asked her about her plans for the future and told her she could achieve anything she wanted “so long as you have faith in God;have faith in yourself; work hard and never let anyone tell you, you can’t do something”.

Elvis himself had plenty of discouragement which he successfully ignored. The later part of his life was not too successful but as Donna commented, we should focus on what he did achieve which was amazing.

Peter Vidmar explains how he achieved success at the Olympic Games:

“There’s only two things I had to do to win the Olympic gold: Train when I wanted to, and train when I didn’t.”

This is possibly my favourite quote of all time. It sums up the essence of success and the will power and discipline necessary to achieve it. Sometimes training will be easy but sometimes it will take effort because one really does not feel like training. This is simple and beautifully easy to understand.

Another quote I like is concerned with the kind of success which depends on people liking your work or product. Don’t worry about whether they will like your work. Just do your best and leave the liking or disliking up to them.

“Success has a simple formula: ‘Do your best and people may like it’”.

Sam Ewing

Any success involves some kind of cost; usually some boring work is involved as suggested in the following quote. The word ‘drudgery’ sums this kind of work up exactly. Almost any kind of business involves marketing and marketing is the last thing many businessmen enjoy doing.

“Success is the child of drudgery and perseverance. It cannot be coaxed or bribed; pay the price and it is yours”.

Orison Swett Marden, 1850-1924.

Mike Litman comes up with golden statements frequently. Here is just one of them:

“The biggest secret of success in life is: You don’t have to get it right; you just have to get it going. Perfectionism can kill success. We never get going because we are always waiting to get everything just right. Instead, let’s get going.”

One success breeds another. Bobby Robson, now over 70, is one of Britain’s most successful managers. He should know what creates success. He recently commented about his team’s performances:

“Success breeds success”

This makes sense. Write one successful book and you will have the confidence to write another. A lady over 70 wrote a book about overcoming the pain of arthritis. It was a huge success to her total amazement and made hundreds of thousands of dollars. Not surprisingly she has now written two more books.

Success is a key goal for most people but it helps to have a clear idea of what success means to you. I hope this article will have shed some light on possible definitions of success and provided some ideas about how you can achieve your kind of success. 2500

John Watson is an info publisher on the internet and a martial arts school owner. He taught Religious Studies and Life Skills to teenagers in London schools for about 33 years before retiring in 2000 A.D. His own e-books and those of the English multimillionaire, Stuart Goldsmith, can be found on his site at http://www.motivationtoday.com

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It sounds crazy – “personalize your uniform”! But, soldiers in the Civil War wore their uniforms with their own personal style, and you can too almost 150 years later.

Following are some Civil War Uniform ideas on “being You” in your uniform.

You can also rework and personalize a uniform that you pick up at a blanket sale or from a sutler or the Internet. Take out the machine buttonholes and hand stitch the buttonholes. Add a lining and a pocket or two for your own needs.

Your hat is who you are – your individual statement. If you look at pg. 157 ECHOES OF GLORY, there is a picture there of Confederate prisoners who have every variety of hat that you can imagine – kepis, round peaks, flat peaks. Notice their hats do not have a lot of hat brass or trim on them.

Choose which hat is you and create it. Buy one from a sutler and rework it to fit your personal style – like they did! Add a band or flip up the side.

Hats are a real personality choice – tilt yours to one side or the other, flip up one side or the other or both. Add a hatband. Have two-three hats that are You. Interchange them for different reenactments.

Do a blanket stitch around the edges of your blanket, so it will not look ragged. Yarn can be used for this. Keep a uniform look. Also, embroider or have someone who can embroider your initials or your state in the middle of the blanket.

Get a magnifying glass and examine the details of their uniforms. Also, look at how they wore their shirts, pants, and hats – discover their personality!

Glean the real story of the Civil War Uniform out of photographs: for example, they wore their shirts loose and blousy – be like them but be you.

Look at photos of the soldiers in camp rather than on the march. There is a wealth of information there – you can see all of their personal items more as well as how they lived on campaign.

An excellent photo to look at is in SHADOWS OF THE STORM, pg. 305. Pictured here is “men of the 5th Georgia”. Notice how they wear their neck scarves – some rolled them and put them over their collar, and some rolled them and put them directly around their necks.

Folding chairs, pipes were used, and it looks like one of the men is writing a letter, so having a simple type of stationary is accurate. Choose articles that reflect You.

Facial hair varies on each man. Some have long side burns and nothing else while others have a full beard and finally, others just have a simple mustache. Choose which type of facial hair works for you reenacting and in your modern life.

Emulate their entertaining personalities. In the photos you can see the slight smiles on their faces and the confidence in the way they stand and sit.

2003 permission granted to reprint this article in print or on your website so long as the paragraph above is included and the contact information is included to coach@civilwaruniforms.net and http://www.civilwaruniforms.net

For more information, contact coach@civilwaruniforms.net or visit http://www.civilwaruniforms.net

Coach McCoach has been a Civil War reenactor in the 4th North Carolina Infantry, 2nd Virginia Regiment, and 21st Virginia Company B. Coach has received the “Authenticity Award” from these companies several times for his Civil War Uniform Impression. Coach’s Civil War uniform designs have been seen in the movies GETTYSBURG, Antietam Visitors Center, ANDERSONVILLE. Coach’s famous Civil War cookbook HARDTACK, CORNBREAD AND CHILI contains recipes for reenactments as well in your own home kitchen.

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The day I discovered my husband was cheating on me is forever etched in my mind. I will never forget my bewilderment, shock, confusion and my uncertainty about what to do next. I was totally devastated.

How I Found Out

As a freelance journalist and editor, I work from my home office. I accidentally stumbled onto Frank’s infidelity while doing interviews for an article assignment for a women’s magazine. To insure the accuracy of my notes, I always tape my interviews using a recording device attached to my office phone. While transcribing the interview tapes, I was shocked to find that I’d unknowingly recorded a number of incriminating phone calls made by Frank from our bedroom extension. Interspersed between the interviews, were revealing conversations he’d had with or about the women with whom he was involved.

A Perfect Marriage

That Frank might be cheating on me was the farthest thing from my mind, even though his behavior had been a little unusual the past few months. When infidelity did cross my mind, it was just a fleeting thought — one I dismissed as quickly as it occurred. It was so far-fetched that I didn’t even give it serious consideration. Frank and I had an exceptionally good marriage (or so I thought). People who knew us — even strangers, (male and female) often commented on what a “perfect couple” we were. I wrote relationship articles which appeared regularly in women’s magazines and earned me frequent guest spots on Good Day New York and several nationally syndicated radio talk shows. Our marriage (my second and Frank’s third) was the envy of all our friends. Still, I was at a loss to explain some of the odd little things Frank had recently said and done. Nothing major — just small insignificant things that were out of character for him and didn’t seem to make any sense. I chalked it up to male menopause (Frank was nearing 50) or stress from the heavy overtime he’d been working. Little did I know that these seemingly inconsequential things would turnout to be telltale signs.

Right Under My Very Nose

From the conversations on the tapes, I discovered that Frank had not one, but three lovers. I was dumb-founded to hear him boasting to a friend about his weekend morning “quickies” with Alexis, his early departures from work for afternoon trysts with Michelle, Marlene’s weekend stay at our apartment while I was away on a business trip and more. Even more astounding, was that all these things had taken place right under my very nose. In light of my discovery, I now saw Frank’s behavior through different eyes. And I became keenly aware of how many telltale signs I’d missed. Many of the odd things Frank said and did suddenly began to make sense.

Wendy’s Story- Another Infidelity Victim

On one tape, Frank mentioned a birthday he’d recently attended which was given by his best friend Max. No other details were supplied except that the party was for Max’s girlfriend. Since Max’s wife, Wendy was a friend of mine, I told her what I heard. Working one single piece of information, Wendy conducted what I consider to be a masterpiece of detective work. In less than 2 weeks, she managed to find out the name of Max’s girlfriend, her phone number and address, where she worked, the address and phone number of her job, and was able to pinpoint approximately how long the affair had been going on. Wendy also found out exactly where and when the birthday party had taken place, how much it cost, the names of several guests who attended, and verified that that Max was indeed the person who arranged and paid for the event. She even confiscated a gift for Max’s lover that he’d hidden in the trunk of his car. Since Wendy and Max co-owned a business, she immediately took steps to protect herself financially by transferring the bulk of their joint funds to a separate account — much to the surprise (and embarrassment) of Max when he attempted to withdraw funds without her knowledge. Their marriage survived — largely because instead of sitting back and being a passive victim, Wendy immediately searched for confirming telltale signs. She found them early enough to take positive action and get her marriage back on track.

If Only I’d Recognized the Signs

Discovering that Frank was cheating was truly devastating. Being a naturally trusting person, I was oblivious to most of the telltale signs, despite the fact that they were staring me in the face. I later learned that many telltale signs begin to crop up when a man first starts think seriously about infidelity. For months I agonized over how things might have turned out differently if I’d recognized the signs when they first began to appear. It’s possible that I might have been able to save our marriage if I’d known the significance of those signs. If not, I could have at least saved myself a lot of heartaches and pain by preparing myself mentally and emotionally, and protecting myself legally and financially from a marriage that ultimately ended in divorce. Yet, my marriage was not unique in this respect. It was one of the millions of marriages impacted by extramarital affairs.

9 Years of Research and a Promise

At the time there were less than 5 books available on the subject of infidelity. Desperate for information, I endured the embarrassment of purchasing them at my local bookstore. As I struggled to make sense of what was happening, I began earnestly researching the topic of infidelity so I could find out how to handle the situation. My research led to my writing a series of infidelity articles based on information gleaned from leading marriage and family therapists. Although I gained a wealth of knowledge about and coping with infidelity and recognizing the telltale signs, for me, this knowledge came too late. Frank and I eventually got a divorce. But I promised myself that when I recovered from the trauma of that experience, I would share this information with other women in similar situations.

The Infidelity Statistics are Shocking

It was shocking read the statistics citing how widespread infidelity is. Though they vary from study to study, the most widely accepted figures indicate that between 50 and 70 percent of married men (between 38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives. One study found that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had no idea their husbands were having an affair — largely because they failed to recognize the telltale signs. Yet the media continues to treat infidelity as a form of entertainment. Movies, novels, soap operas, talk shows, gossip columns and women’s magazines continue to dramatize, trivialize and glamorize extramarital affairs. Few people other than its victims take it seriously.

An Infidelity Book is Born – Gathering More Facts

Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs is the first of a series of information products for women who are victims of infidelity. It’s based on not just my personal experience, but on 9 years of in-depth research on the topic of infidelity. I’ve read thousands of accounts of infidelity, interviewed hundreds of women about their personal experiences and the experiences of women they know, and dozens of cheating men. I’ve read hundreds of articles, studies and transcripts on infidelity and spent countless hours surfing the Net checking out websites, chat rooms, forums, message boards and discussion lists that deal with infidelity and related issues. Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs is the result of all those efforts. It’s the book I wish I’d had when those first telltale signs began to crop up in my marriage. If I’d recognized those signs early on, things might have had a different ending.

A Multitude of Telltale Signs

Is He Cheating on You? is probably the largest collection of telltaIe signs ever compiled. It documents hundreds of signs of infidelity, including a multitude of little-known telltale signs not listed anywhere else. Despite the subtitle, it actually contains 950 telltale signs. Even after the cover was designed, I continued to add telltale signs until the final version of the manuscript was sent to the printer. And readers continue to e-mail or phone me with telltale signs that were not included in the book. What’s different about Is He Cheating on You? is that it tells women how to spot the warning signs of infidelity without using gadgets, surveillance equipment or private investigators. All of the telltale signs documented in Is He Cheating on You? can easily be found by any woman using only her eyes and ears, her personal knowledge of her husband and the information provided in the book. No special skills or equipment are needed. The signs are conveniently grouped into 21 categories so a woman can easily find the signs that apply to her husband or her marriage. A few of the signs are listed in more than one category so that no one will miss an important telltale sign.

Sharing Information with Other Women

This is my way of sharing all the information I gathered about infidelity, with other women in this traumatic situation. It’s unfortunate that any woman would ever need a book like this, but the facts speak for themselves. Millions of acts of infidelity go undetected every day. Unsuspecting women need an easy-to-use, reliable, inexpensive tool to help them find out the truth about what’s going on. I am committed to providing them with that information.

Empowered by Knowledge

Knowledge is power; and I firmly believe every woman should know how to recognize the telltale signs of infidelity. The future of her marriage may well depend on her ability to recognize the telltale signs in time. There’s nothing worse than not knowing– or being the last to know. But the first step in solving a problem is knowing that the problem exists. If a woman doesn’t know her husband is cheating, there’s little that she can do. If she’s oblivious to the fact that her marriage may be in jeopardy, by the time she finds out what’s happening, it may be too late. She will have had no chance to try to get her marriage back on track, or to prepare herself emotionally or protect herself from the devastation that lies ahead. Rather than being proactive and making conscious decisions about what to do, she’ll become a helpless infidelity victim, swept along with the tide.

A Fighting Chance to Save the Marriage

On the other hand, if a woman recognizes the telltale signs and understands what’s happening, she stands a fighting chance of being able to nip the infidelity in the bud on her own, or seek professional help. More importantly, she can take steps to prepare herself mentally, financially and legally for the possibility that her marriage may come to an end. At least she won’t be taken by surprise, and end up being the “last one to know”.

Who This Book Is For

Is He Cheating on You? is not just for wives who suspect their husbands of cheating. It’s also for :

–the millions of unsuspecting wives who’ve never even considered that an affair might be going on.

–women who’ve been cheated on in the past want to make sure it doesn’t happen again

–women who are trying to reconcile with a cheating husband and want reassurance that the affair is no longer going on

–women who think it could NEVER happen to them (no one is immune)

–women who know their husbands are cheating and want to get solid proof

–women who want to know ahead of time what to look for, in case it ever happens to them

–women who in view of the high infidelity statistics want to know where they stand in their current relationship

–single women who want to avoid entering into or staying in a relationship with a cheater

–Men who suspect their wives of cheating (many of the signs are universal and apply to both sexes)

–people with female friends or relatives who are being cheated on and who are in denial

–people who don’t know how to tell a woman her husband is cheating – give her the book and let her find out for herself

No Marriage is Immune to Infidelity

One of the most surprising things I learned about infidelity is that no marriage is immune. Infidelity knows no boundaries. “Good husbands” can cheat. Infidelity can occur even in happy marriages. It can affect couples of any race, creed, color or economic background. Rich or poor, young or old, newlywed or approaching a fiftieth anniversary – infidelity can happen to anyone – even you. The likelihood is very high that, given the current statistics on infidelity, every woman will experience being a victim of infidelity at some point in her life. So I feel strongly that Is He Cheating on You? is a reference book that belongs on every woman’s bookshelf. This is important information that no woman should be without. The future of her marriage may one day depend on her ability to recognize the telltale signs in time. Armed with this book and her personal knowledge of her husband, she’ll be able to easily spot the warning signs.

The Purpose of This Book

The purpose of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs is not to make women suspicious of their husbands. The purpose is to make women aware of what’s already going on. Statistics prove that infidelity is happening all around us. Just pick up a newspaper or listen to the nightly news. Infidelity touches 80% of all marriages. It is my sincere hope that this book will open the eyes of the millions of women who are unaware that their husbands are having an affair. It was written to make women aware of the many telltale signs that indicate possible infidelity. Every woman deserves to know the truth. It’s my firm belief that if more women knew how to recognize the signs of infidelity, more marriage could be saved. With Is He Cheating on You? every wife now has an affordably priced tool to keep her from being the last to know.

A Final Word

To any woman who suspects her husband of cheating, I implore you – for your peace of mind, for your physical health (think HIV/AIDS and other STDs), for your mental and emotional well-being, and for the future financial well-being of yourself and your children too — find out if what you suspect is true. Don’t speculate – investigate! Take it from someone who has lived through infidelity – find out before it’s too late. Believe me, in this day and age, you can’t afford to be the last one to know.

*Frank, Marlene, Michelle, Alexis, Max and Wendy are not their real names. The names have been changed to protect the guilty as well as the innocent.

NOTE: Despite my traumatic experience with Frank, the story does have a happy ending. I’ve been happily re-married for almost5 years now, to a wonderful man who also values the sanctity of marriage as highly as I do. (Ironically, he too, was cheated on by his first wife.)

© 2004 Ruth Houston All rights reserved.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Ruth Houston is the author of “Is He Cheating on You?-829 Telltale Signs.” For more information about the book, cheating husbands or signs of infidelity visit
http://www.Is-He-Cheating-On-You.com To receive a FREE Infidelity Report which includes 29 Telltale Signs, send an e-mail to CheatingSigns@aol.com with “Infidelity Report” in the subject line.

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